Instant Fact: How To Get The Truth Out of Anyone!
In an ideal society there would be no need for lies. But we live in a world of deception. And whether you want to play or not, you’re in the game. The question is, do you want to win? The first step to know if you are being lied to is called
Signs of Deception. Once you realize that you’re being lied to, should you confront the liar immediately? Usually not. The best approach is to note the fact in your mind and continue with the conversation, trying to extract more information. Once you confront someone who has lied to you, the tone of the conversation changes and gathering additional facts becomes difficult. Therefore, wait until you have all the evidence you want and then decide whether to confront the person at that time or hold off to figure how you can best use this insight to your advantage.
Body Language The person will make little or no eye contact. A person who is lying to you will do everything to avoid making eye contact.
Physical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand movements. What arm and hand
movements are present will seem stiff, and mechanical. Hands, arm and legs pull in toward
the body; the individual takes up less space.
What Is Said: Actual Verbal Content
He will use your words to make his point. When asked, “Did you cheat on me?” The liar answers, “No, I didn’t cheat on you.” In addition, when a suspect uses a contraction – “It wasn’t me” instead of “It was not me” – statistically, there is a 60% chance he is truthful.
He depersonalizes his answer by offering his belief on the subject instead of answering directly. A liar offers abstract assurances as evidence of his innocence in a specific instance. Example: “Did you ever cheat on me?” and you hear, “You know I’m against that sort of thing. I think it morally reprehensible.”
How Something Is Said
Deceitful response to questions regarding beliefs and attitudes take longer to think up. However, how fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one-word response? In truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed quickly by an explanation. If the person is being deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because he needs time to think up an explanation.
Watch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the question. May repeat points that he has already made. May also be reluctant to use words that convey attachment and ownership or possessiveness (“that car” as opposed to “my car”).
The person who is lying may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressive voice. When a person is making a truthful statement, he emphasizes the pronoun as much as or more than the rest of the sentence.
Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized. Statements sound an awful lot like questions, indicating that he’s seeking reassurance. Voice, head and eyes lift at the end of their statement.
Psychological Profile
We often see the world as a reflection of ourselves. If you’re being accused of something, check your accuser’s veracity. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just how corrupt the rest of the world is. Beware of those asking you if you believe him. They may respond with, “you don’t believe me, do you?” Most people who tell the truth expect to be believed.
Look at whether his focus is internal or external. When a person is confident about what he’s saying, he’s more interested in your understanding him and less interested in how he appears to you. In a liar’s story, he will usually not give the point of view of a third party. To illustrate giving
a point of view of someone else, “My roommate was so shocked that I would…”
General Indications of Deceit
When the subject is changed, he’s in a better, more relaxed mood. The guilty wants the subject changed; the innocent always wants a further exchange of information.
He does not become indignant when falsely accused. While he is being accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless. The liar is more concerned with how he is going to respond than he is with the accusation itself.
He uses such phrases as “To tell you the truth,” “To be perfectly honest,” and “Why would I lie to you?”
He offers a preamble to his statement starting with “I don’t want you to think that…” Often that’s exactly what he wants you to think. Whenever someone makes a point of telling you what they’re not doing, you can be sure it’s exactly what they are doing. Such as, “Not to hurt your feelings, but…”
Becoming a Human Lie Detector:
The clues to deception can be used with great reliability in everyday situations and conversations. However, if you must know the truth in a given situation, this part provides you with a sequence of questions that virtually guarantees that you will know (a) if you’re being lied to and (b) what the truth is if it’s not obvious from the lie. When used in order, all three phases offer you the greatest opportunity to get at the truth.
Phase One – Three Attack-Sequence Primers
Primer 1
The objective here is to ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but alludes to the person’s possible behavior. The key is to phrase a question that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an accusation to the guilty.
Suspicion: You feel that your girlfriend was unfaithful the night before.
Question: “Anything interesting happen last night?”
Suspicion: You think a coworker told your secretary that you have a crush on her.
Question: “Heard any good gossip recently?”
Any answers such as “Why do you ask?” or “Where did you hear that?” indicate concern on the person’s part. He
should not be seeking information from you if he does not think that your question is leading. He should also not be
interested in why you’re asking the question unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn’t want you to know.
Primer 2
The objective here is to introduce a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on, using specifics.
Suspicion: You suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale.
Question: “Jim, I’m wondering if you could help me with something. It’s come to my attention that someone in the
sales department has been misrepresenting our products to customers. How do you think we can clear this up?”
Suspicion: A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinking while on duty.
Question: “Dr. Marcus, I’d like to get you advice on something. A colleague of mine at another hospital has a problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinking while on call. Do you have any suggestions on how she can approach the doctor about this problem?”
If he’s innocent of the charges he’s likely to offer his advice and be pleased that you sought out his opinion. If he’s guilty he’ll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he never does anything like that. Either way, this opens the door to probe further.
Primer 3
The objective here is to introduce a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on, using general terms.
Suspicion: You think a student has cheated on his exam.
Question: “Isn’t it amazing how someone can cheat on a test and not realize that I was standing behind him the
entire time?”
Suspicion: You suspect a coworker of bad-mouthing you to your boss.
Question: “It’s amazing all the backstabbing that goes on around here, isn’t it? And these people doing it think that it won’t get back to the person involved.”
Suspicion: You think that your girlfriend may be two-timing you.
Question: “It’s amazing how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to get caught.”
A change in subject is highly indicative of guilt. However, if he finds your question interesting and he’s innocent, he might begin a conversation about it since he’s unafraid to discuss the subject.
Phase Two – Eleven Attack Sequences
Attack Sequence 1: Direct Questioning
• Stage 1. Ask your question directly.
• Give no advance warning of the subject you’re about to bring up or of any feelings of mistrust.
• Never reveal what you know first. Ask questions to gather information to see if it’s consistent with what you already know.
• The way you present yourself can greatly influence the attitude of the other person. Three powerful
tips for establishing building rapport:
1. Matching posture and movements – if he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours.
2. Matching speech – if he’s speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same.
3. Matching key words – if he’s prone to using certain words or phrases, use them when speaking.
• Ask a question that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. In other
words, if he waves his arms around no matter what he’s talking about, you want to know this.
• Use a relaxed and non-threatening posture, and square off so that you’re facing each other.
• Never, ever interrupt. You can’t learn anything new while you’re talking. Ask open-ended questions.
• Stage 2. Silence.
• Stage 3. Really? At the end of his answer respond with “Really?”
• Stage 4. Sudden Death. Follow with “Is there anything you want to get off your chest?”
Attack Sequence 2: Lead and Confine
• Stage 1. Ask a leading question. For example, “you were back by two A.M. last night, weren’t you?”
• Stage 2. Reverse course: You’ve got to be kidding! For example, “I was hoping you did, so you would have
gotten it out of your system. Please tell me that you’ve done it, so I know that it’s over with.”
• Stage 3. This is not going to work. For example, “I thought you were somebody who had a sense of adventure. Someone who knows how to live a little.”
Attack Sequence 3: Time Line Distortion
• Scenario: You suspect several employees in your store of stealing money
• Stage1. Setting the scene. Let the conversation turn casually to stealing and say, “Oh, I knew right from the start what was going on.”
• Stage 2. It’s no big deal. “You had to know I knew. How else do you think you could have gotten away with it for so long? I hope you don’t think I’m a complete idiot.”
• Stage 3. I appreciate what you’ve done. “I know that you were just going along with it because you were scared of what the others would do. It’s really okay. I know you’re not that kind of person.”Attack Sequence 4: Direct Assumption / Shot in the Dark
• Stage 1. Set the scene. Be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if something heavy-duty is bothering you. This will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the “error of his ways.”
• Stage 2. I’m hurt. Say, “I’ve just found something out and I’m really hurt [shocked/surprised]. I know you’re going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just wanted you to know that I know.” You establish that (a) he’s guilty of something and (b) you know what it is.
• Stage 3. Holding your ground. Say, “I think we both know what I’m talking about. We need to clear the air, and we can start by your talking.”
• Stage 4. Continue to hold your ground. Repeat phrases such as “I’m sure it will come to you” and “The longer I wait, the madder I’m getting.”
• Stage 5. Apply social pressure. “We were all talking about it. Everybody knows.” Now he begins to get curious about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he tries to find out, you’ll know he’s guilty. Attack Sequence 5: The Missing Link
• Scenario: You think that your mother-in-law may have hired a private investigator to follow you around.
• Stage 1. List facts. Tell her something that you know to be true. “I know you’re not very fond of me, and that you objected to the wedding, but this time you’ve gone too far.”
• Stage 2. State your assumption. “I know all about the investigator. Why did you think that was necessary?”
• Stage 3. The magic phrase. “You know what, I’m too upset to talk about this now.” The guilty person will honor your request because she won’t want to anger you further. An innocent person will be mad at you for accusing her of something that she hasn’t done and will want to discuss it now. Attack Sequence 6: Who, Me?
• Stage1. Setting the scene. He suspects that his ex-girlfriend broke into his house. He phoned to let her know in a very non-accusatory way that that there had been a break-in and some items were missing. The following type of conversation would ensue: Winston: The police are going to want to talk to everyone who had access to the house. Since you still have a key, they’re going to want to speak with you. Just routine stuff, I’m sure. Of course you’re not a suspect.
Ex-Girlfriend: But I don’t know anything about it.
Winston: Oh, I know. Just policy, I guess. Anyway, one of my neighbors said that she got a
partial license-plate number on a car that was by my house that day.
Ex-Girlfriend: (After a long pause) Well, I was driving around your neighborhood that day. I
stopped by to see if you were home. But when you weren’t, I just left.
Winston: Oh, really? Well, they did a fingerprint test too. That should show something.
Ex-Girlfriend: What test?
Winston: Oh, they dusted for prints and…
• Stage 2. Inform non-accusatorily. Casually inform your suspect of the situation.
• Stage 3. Introduce evidence to be rebutted. As you introduce the evidence, look to see if every one of your
statements is met by explanations from him as to how the evidence could be misunderstood. For example, you
suspect that a co-worker had shredded some of your files. You would first set the stage by letting him know
that you can’t find some important files. Then say, “Well, it’s a good thing my new secretary noticed someone
by the shredder the other day. She said she recognized his face but didn’t know his name.” An innocent person
would not feel the need to explain in order to avert the possibility that he might be wrongly accused.
• Stage 4. Continue. Continue with more facts that the person can try to explain away. But in actuality, as soon
he starts to talk about why the situation might “look that way,” you know you have him.
Attack Sequence 7: Outrageous Accusations
• Stage 1. Accuse him of everything. In a very fed-up manner, accuse him of doing every imaginable dishonest
and disloyal act.
• Stage 2. Introduce the suspicion. Now introduce the one thing you feel he really has done, and in an attempt to
clear himself of the other charges, he will offer an explanation for his one slip-up. Say, “I mean, it’s not like
you just stole a file, that would be fine. But all these other things are unspeakable.” He responds, “No, I just
stole that one file because of the pressure to get the job done, but I would never sell trade secrets!” The only
way to prove his innocence to all of your outrageous accusations is to explain why he did what you really
suspect of him of doing.
• Stage 3. Step in closer. This increases anxiety in the guilty. He feels he’s being closed in on.
Attack Sequence 8: Is There a Reason?
• Stage 1. Introduce a fact. For example, if you want to know if your secretary went out last night when she said
she was sick, “I drove by your house on the way home. Is there a reason your car wasn’t in the driveway?”
Had she been home sick, she would simply tell you that you were wrong – the car was in the driveway.
• Stage 2. One more shot. “Oh, that’s odd, I called your house and I got your machine.” If she’s guilty she will
look for any way to make her story fit your facts.
• Stage 3. Stare. Staring makes someone who is on the defensive feel closed in; your glare is infringing on her
personal space, inducing a mental claustrophobia. Lock eyes with her and ask again.
Attack Sequence 9: Third-Party Confirmation
• Scenario: You suspect one of your employees is having someone else punch out on the time clock for him.
• Stage 1. Accuse outright. After gaining the assistance of a friend or coworker, you have this person make the
accusation for you. Such as “Mel, I was talking to Cindy, and she told me she’s getting pretty tired of your
having someone else punch out for you so you can leave work early.” At this point Mel is concerned only with
Cindy’s disapproval of his actions. Your friend is thoroughly believable because we rarely think to question
this type of third-party setup.
• Stage 2. Are you kidding? “Are you kidding? It’s common knowledge, but I think I know how you can smooth
things over with her.” See if he take the bait. A person who’s innocent would not be interested in smoothing
things over with someone else for something that he hasn’t done.
• Stage 3. Last call. “Okay. But are you sure? At this point, any hesitation is likely to be sign of guilt because
he’s quickly trying to weight his options.
Attack Sequence 10: The Chain Reaction
• Scenario: You suspect several employees in your store of stealing money
• Stage 1. Setting the scene. In a one-on-one meeting with the employee, let them know that you’re looking for
someone to be in charge of a new internal theft program for the entire company.
• Stage 2. The iron is… “We’re looking for someone who knows how it’s done. Now don’t worry, you’re not
going to get in trouble. As a matter of fact we’ve known about it for some time. We were more interested in
seeing how efficient you were. Quite impressive. Anyway, we feel that since you know how it’s done, you’ll know how to prevent it. Granted, it’s pretty unusual, but this is an unusual instance.”
• Stage 3. I told them so. “You know, I told them that you would be too afraid to have an open discussion about
this. They were wrong, I was right.” Look for hesitation on his part. If he’s guilty, he will be weighing his
options. This takes time. An innocent person has nothing to think about. Only the guilty have the option of
confessing or not.
Attack Sequence 11: Condemn or Concern
Stage 1. I’m just letting you know. The key with this sequence is not to accuse, just to inform. Let’s say that you’re
working in the customer service department of a computer store. A customer brings back a non-working printer for
an exchange, claiming that he bought it just a few days before. He has the all-important receipt and the printer is
packed neatly in the original box. Upon inspecting the contents you find that a necessary, expensive, and easily
removable component of the machine is missing, a clear indication of why the machine was not functioning
properly. Here are two possible responses you might get after informing the customer of your discovery.
Response 1. “I didn’t take it out. That’s how it was when I bought it.” (Defensive)
Response 2. “What? You sold me a printer that has a missing part? I wasted two hours trying to get that thing to work.” (Offensive)
The person who utters Response 2 has every right to be annoyed; it never crosses his mind that he’s being accused of anything. The person who gives Response 1 knows he never even tried to get the printer to work because he took the part out. It doesn’t occur to him to become angry. He assumes that he’s being accused of removing the part and become defensive when you inform him the part is missing.
Advanced Techniques For Getting The Truth
Embedded Commands:
This technique is very simple and has only two criteria. First, for maximum effectiveness the command should start
with an action verb, because you’re telling the mind to do something. Second, the entire command should be
separated from the rest of the sentence using what is called an analog marker. You set the command portion off by
one of the following:
1. Lower or raise the volume of your voice slightly while speaking the command.
2. Insert a short pause right before and then right after the command. For instance, “Sometimes we just
… become fascinated … with what we’re reading.”
3. Gesturing with your hand while you are the giving the command momentarily distracts the conscious
mind, and the embedded statement is received by the unconscious mind as a command.
Unconscious Creations:
You give a suggestion that creates a perceivable action so you can observe the signs of deceit without continuing to
question him. Watch for the behaviors that you embed in the sentences. They will usually occur at some point
during your conversation.
• “I’m not saying that you should stiffen up your body if you’re lying.”
• “I don’t know if you’re lying. Unless you feel like blinking your eyes fast if you are.”
• “If you … like what you’re reading … you may … smile … now.”
Disassociation:
It’s the old person who would lie versus the new person who would never hurt you. In your conversation, continue
to repeat phrases like the ones below. Make sure that they contrast the old him and the new him.
• “Perhaps the old you was capable of this. But I know you would never do that now.”
• “You’re a different person than you used to be. I’m sure that you’re even more upset with the old you
than I am. But you’re not that person anymore.”
• “You’re only responsible for who you are today. You are someone who is honest and trustworthy.”
Eye-Accessing Cues:
This technique works on the following principle. When a person thinks, he accesses different parts of his brain
depending upon the information that is being accessed. This process can be observed watching the eyes. For righthanded
people, visual memories are accessed by the eyes going up and to the left. For a left-handed person, it’s the
reverse: the eyes go up and to the right. When a right-handed person seeks to create an image or fact, his eyes go up
and to right. And the reverse is true for the left-handed person. You can use this technique in any conversation to
determine if the person is creating or recalling information. Simply watch his eyes and you’ll know whether he’s
recalling an event that’s already occurred or making up a story about something that has never happened.
Advanced Conversation Stoppers: Trance Phrases:
These conversation stoppers use phrases that are mild trance inducers. They cause the listener to zone out
temporarily while his brain tries to process the information. They give you some time to collect your thoughts while
others lose their train of thought.
1. “Why are you asking me what you don’t know for sure?”
2. “Do you really believe what you thought you knew?”
3. “If you expected me to believe that, you wouldn’t have said it.”
4. “Do you believe that you knew what you thought?”
5. “Why would you believe something that’s not true?”
6. “Why are you agreeing with what you already know?”
7. “Are you unaware of what you forgot?” See For Yourself:
The power of expectation and suggestion can be used with tremendous results. The key to using this technique is to implant an artificial suggestion and let it manifest inside the person’s mind. This technique may induce a temporary state of mild paranoia, especially if two or more people make the same suggestion.
Scenario: You think that a coworker has been stealing office supplies. “Samantha, have you noticed that people
seem to be looking at you a little funny?” You can be sure Samantha will “see” everyone looking at her, and it will consume her attention until she stops.
Tricks Of The Trade
These are the psychological secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade – factors that can affect your judgement in objectively evaluating information.
Rule 1: Wow! You’re Just Like Me
• Watch out when you’re asked about your hobbies, hometown, values, favorite foods, etc., only to be followed with the obligatory “Me too, what a coincidence.”
• Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice to us, we not only like him more but also are more likely to agree with him. If he’s agreeing to everything you say, whether or not it makes sense, watch out.
• Rapport creates trust. It allows the other to build a psychological bridge to you. You feel more
comfortable and your gullibility increases. Take note if your movements, rate of speech or tone are echoed.
Rule 2: Beware the Stranger Bearing Gifts
When someone gives us something, we often feel indebted to him. When you are presented with a request, make
sure that you’re not acting out of a sense of obligation. This rule can take many forms – it’s not limited to gifts.
You could be offered information, a concession, or even someone’s time.
Rule 3: It’s Half Price! But Half of What?
This principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted differently based upon the order in which they’re
presented. In other words, we compare and contrast. An example of this principle are price markdowns. An item
that’s been reduced from $500 to $200 certainly seems like a better bargain than something that sells for $150. The
contrast on the sale item makes it more attractive, even if it’s not as nice as the item that sells for less. The key is to
only consider each decision by itself. This can best be accomplished by letting time pass between decisions and by
independently determining the value of the object.
Rule 4: Just Do This One Little Thing For Me?
Beware if you are asked to commit to something, even in a small way. This request is usually followed by a slightly
greater request, and over time your sense of commitment is built up to the point where you feel locked into your
decision. When you make decisions, notice if your best interests are being served.
Rule 5: The Bandwagon Effect
This principle states that we have a tendency to see an action as appropriate if other people are doing it. Do we
think that something is funnier if others are laughing? Absolutely. The key to avoiding the influence of this rule is
to separate your level of interest from other people’s desire. Just because you’re told that something is the latest,
best, hottest, or biggest seller doesn’t make it right for you.
Rule 6: Rare Doesn’t Always Mean Valuable
This principle states that the harder something is to acquire, the greater the value we place on its attainment. In
essence, we want what we can’t have and want what is hard to obtain even more. The key to avoid this rule being
used on you is to ask yourself this question: would I still want it if there were a million just like it and no one wanted
any of them?
Rule 7: I’m on Your Side
This technique is used to gain credibility. When used effectively, you would swear that you’ve just made a new best
friend who has your best interest at heart. For example, let’s say that you’re in a mattress store and considering
buying the Super Deluxe – a top-of-the-line bed. The salesman tells you that if you want it he’ll order it for you, but
he feels you should know something first. He tells you that while the consumer would never realize it, this
manufacturer uses recycled materials on the inside. He has thus gained your complete confidence. He’s risking a
sale to tell you something that you’d never find out otherwise. Now you’ll be inclined to trust anything he says.
Rule 8: Well, Can You at Least Do This?
If you’re asked to do a rather large favor for someone only to decline his request for help, beware. A smaller favor,
the one he really wants you to do, may follow. We are more likely to agree to a smaller request if we’re first
presented with a larger one. There are three psychological motivations at work:
• You feel that in contrast to the first request, the smaller one is no big deal.
• You feel bad for not coming through on his original favor, and this seems like a fair compromise.
• You don’t want to be perceived as unreasonable. A small little favor isn’t going to kill you.
